There is a notable difference now that I’m essentially living alone: I listen to music more at home.
I’d always listen to music in the car. But, that feels different than firing up the stereo, filling up my six CD changer, and turning the volume up with whatever catches my fancy. Or heck, the turntable is always achin’ for some vinyl.
My kiddo lives with me half or a bit more than half of the time, but she doesn’t care that I listen to early Dido albums at an inappropriate volume level. And really, my husband wouldn’t have minded either, but I would have.
That’s the difference. I now have the freedom, most of the time, to be 100% me. When you’re a protective introvert such as myself, being 100% myself living with anyone other than my own spawn, is tricky. I’m 95% myself with my husband (which is more than any other human being), but, there are elements of that 5% that truly define me; and I’m just now realizing how important it is for me creatively and personally to be 100%.
Living alone allows me to be 100%.
Sure, there are obvious caveats and potholes to living solo while married. But for me, so far, almost two months into this new way of life, the sacrifices are wildly worth any minor discomfort of not living with my spouse.
I’m sure this style of marriage wouldn’t be for everyone. Just like living together might not be for everyone. But I gotta tell ya, these last few weeks, I’ve reclaimed SO much of myself that I had previously shuffled around or put on a back burner to actively nurture a live-in relationship. I hadn’t even realized how much I had compromised or how much it affected my overall mood and zen being.
My attitude and choices might be considered selfish to some. Selfish because my husband and I have a daughter. Selfish because it’s not the “normal” thing to do. Selfish because…? I don’t know about this selfish, but I do know that I feel like a better mother and spouse because I’m more content with my growth as an individual. And this lifestyle, that I feel fortunate enough to pursue, has allowed me to analyze what I need as a person, mother, wife, and to apply that to my forward momentum and truly own my life.